You (21yr old, 63 yr old and everyone you were before and in between, and are yet to become) are all beautiful, valuable, and lovable dear Tracey.
I'm glad received my words - little vehicles of human connection - so well and I am grateful for your generousity in sharing your painful, delicate and couragious story with us.
There is a way in doing that, in traveling back in time and bringing the things you needed back then to the one(s) you were then and needed support and witnessing and care and love.
If my message could do that an little bit for you, I'm very happy it did. In case you would like to go deeper into any part of it, now or later, and you would like to have me accompanying you on that occasion, you are very welcome to DM me and we can talk about that with a little more calm and time.
But don't feel any obligation whatsoever. I just wanted to open up the possibility for you.
Sending love to you and all your loved ones, from Amsterdam.
Thank you for the love and the courage you offered here to us, to describe the tremendously lonely story of the coming into existence, the loss of life, and the birth you gave to your beautiful little daughter Alice Hannah.
I'm so terribly sorry that you and her father had to go through those heartbreaking emotional experiences all alone an unheld,
That should have never happened to you.
It should have never happen to anyone that way.
Reading what you went through, I wish I could travel back in time and come and find you there, already a few weeks before the 30th of June 1984.
I wish I could have just been with you in all the lonely moments you describe, from the moment you realised you hadn't felt her move, and the visit to the GP who was to afraid of their own emotions to be attuned to yours. I wish I could have visited your mother and explained to her that you really n deed her support now. I wish I could have come with you on the bus those times, just holding your hand and even taking you into my arms to just gently hold your grieving, sobbing body, in my accepting, calm and present arms. I wish I could have made sure that your boyfriend could have been with you, and that I could have stuck around to take care of the both of you. I wish I could have brought you the burgundy strawler, and brought you a beautiful and soft silken cloth for you to gently wrap your gorgeous, precious little Alice Hannah in, asleep with her little hand and beautiful little fingers next to her tiny face. And that I could have taken a loving family picture of her and you and your boyfriend together, and that we could have lit some beautiful candles then and that we would have taken you home, the three of you, so that you could have brought her into the half your - half her room, and that she could have met her grandparents and het aunt's and uncles. And that many, many foto's of her would have been taken, and that you and her father together could have prepared a beautiful ceremony, with all of her family and friends present, to cheer her on, to celebrate and be grateful for precious unique exisistence in the world, and for her modest and silent departure.
And then she would have had her very own welcome and farewell. She would have had a whole, worthy and fully witnessed funeral, with beautiful music and the voices of all around her, singing her recious little spirit into the air and onto another paralel world, where she could be welcomed and properly received and cared for.
I wish for you, her loving mom - whom she made a mother - that you will receive all the acknowledgement, care, love and support you long for, dear fellow-mom, and that Alice Hannah's beautiful being can be integrated in all openness and that her memory will be held and shared in you, in her family and in everyone in your lives who love you.
That is the most beautiful acknowledgment and love I have ever received for the lonely, 21-year-old girl that was me and my beautiful baby girl, and even her father who didn’t want her.
I wish I could go back with you and do all those things together.
Thank you. I (she - the 21-year-old) accept(s) your love with grace. 🥰
You (21yr old, 63 yr old and everyone you were before and in between, and are yet to become) are all beautiful, valuable, and lovable dear Tracey.
I'm glad received my words - little vehicles of human connection - so well and I am grateful for your generousity in sharing your painful, delicate and couragious story with us.
There is a way in doing that, in traveling back in time and bringing the things you needed back then to the one(s) you were then and needed support and witnessing and care and love.
If my message could do that an little bit for you, I'm very happy it did. In case you would like to go deeper into any part of it, now or later, and you would like to have me accompanying you on that occasion, you are very welcome to DM me and we can talk about that with a little more calm and time.
But don't feel any obligation whatsoever. I just wanted to open up the possibility for you.
Sending love to you and all your loved ones, from Amsterdam.
🌸 Lijn
Dear Tracey,
Thank you for the love and the courage you offered here to us, to describe the tremendously lonely story of the coming into existence, the loss of life, and the birth you gave to your beautiful little daughter Alice Hannah.
I'm so terribly sorry that you and her father had to go through those heartbreaking emotional experiences all alone an unheld,
That should have never happened to you.
It should have never happen to anyone that way.
Reading what you went through, I wish I could travel back in time and come and find you there, already a few weeks before the 30th of June 1984.
I wish I could have just been with you in all the lonely moments you describe, from the moment you realised you hadn't felt her move, and the visit to the GP who was to afraid of their own emotions to be attuned to yours. I wish I could have visited your mother and explained to her that you really n deed her support now. I wish I could have come with you on the bus those times, just holding your hand and even taking you into my arms to just gently hold your grieving, sobbing body, in my accepting, calm and present arms. I wish I could have made sure that your boyfriend could have been with you, and that I could have stuck around to take care of the both of you. I wish I could have brought you the burgundy strawler, and brought you a beautiful and soft silken cloth for you to gently wrap your gorgeous, precious little Alice Hannah in, asleep with her little hand and beautiful little fingers next to her tiny face. And that I could have taken a loving family picture of her and you and your boyfriend together, and that we could have lit some beautiful candles then and that we would have taken you home, the three of you, so that you could have brought her into the half your - half her room, and that she could have met her grandparents and het aunt's and uncles. And that many, many foto's of her would have been taken, and that you and her father together could have prepared a beautiful ceremony, with all of her family and friends present, to cheer her on, to celebrate and be grateful for precious unique exisistence in the world, and for her modest and silent departure.
And then she would have had her very own welcome and farewell. She would have had a whole, worthy and fully witnessed funeral, with beautiful music and the voices of all around her, singing her recious little spirit into the air and onto another paralel world, where she could be welcomed and properly received and cared for.
I wish for you, her loving mom - whom she made a mother - that you will receive all the acknowledgement, care, love and support you long for, dear fellow-mom, and that Alice Hannah's beautiful being can be integrated in all openness and that her memory will be held and shared in you, in her family and in everyone in your lives who love you.
Hugs and big love to all of you.
Lijn, Amsterdam
Dear Lijn,
That is the most beautiful acknowledgment and love I have ever received for the lonely, 21-year-old girl that was me and my beautiful baby girl, and even her father who didn’t want her.
I wish I could go back with you and do all those things together.
Thank you. I (she - the 21-year-old) accept(s) your love with grace. 🥰